Monthly Archives: May 2012

strip down the layers of self-hate. choose self-love

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You’ve probably heard somewhere, and your common sense says, that hatred is not the way to peace and joy. Still, we maintain layer upon layer of self-hate, obscuring that path.

What do I mean by “self-hate”?

Self-hate is guilt, regret, shame, jealousy. Self-hate is abusive thoughts and abuse of your body. Self-hate is not being able to give or receive compliments. Self-hate is being addicted to food, exercise, toxic people, drugs. Self-hate is knowing something or someone is hurtful to you, yet you keep going back for more. Self-hate is trying to be someone you’re not.

Sound familiar? So why do we do this to ourselves?

Because everyone does it? Pretty much. From birth, we’re conditioned to survive through discipline. We hear some form of “Don’t do that!”; “Why would you say that?”; “Put that down!”; “You should know better”; “What were you thinking?”; etc. etc. etc.

Yesterday, my spiritually-in-tune, loving mother said, “You didn’t say that, did you?” (Mom, I forgive you.) Parents do this because it was done to them. This is called “child-rearing.”

At some point, however, we conclude there is something wrong with us. There must be, right? Otherwise, why would people say those things to us… WRONG!!!

With this false belief under our belts, we take it one step further…

We think that we must continue punishing ourselves this way to survive.

In There is Nothing Wrong With You, Cheri Huber describes the thought process:

Student: If I don’t do my work, and don’t make money, then I won’t be able to pay for my house, and I won’t have any food. And if I follow that along far enough, I realize that I believe those things on [my] list are designed to keep me alive. And, if I don’t do them the ultimate consequence is death.

Guide: And that’s what happens, isn’t it? Do this task or die. (laughter) Even if its get a haircut today…

So if we don’t threaten ourselves with punishment and failure, what would drive us to succeed? What would motivate us to keep going? We even chastise ourselves for not being these ultimate spiritual beings–we should be by now, right?

What is so wrong with this form of self-discipline–this feeling of control?

These layers of self-hate are keeping us from our intrinsic, inherent enlightenment. Self-hate is keeping us from learning and loving our true selves. The self-hate isn’t you. You’re beneath the self-hate.

How can you choose self-love instead of self-hate?

First of all, there is nothing wrong with you, so there is no secret that will fix you.

When we stop trying to change into someone else, when we respect our feelings, desires, hopes, and dreams, when we stop thinking of ourselves as separate from one another, when we have compassion for our hateful conditioning, then we can discover who we really are. In other words…

ACCEPT YOURSELF… as you are…right now.

This is pretty challenging. In acceptance, there isn’t anything “to do” except be who you are and love it.

“This is a lifelong process. If you decide to learn to care for yourself, to live your life in compassion, you will be required to practice that until you die.

An internal relationship must be worked on and maintained just like an external relationship.

And that’s good news! When you fall in love with someone, you don’t say, ‘Oh, no, how long am going to have to love this person?’ When we’re in love, we love to love that person, and we hope it will last forever.” -Cheri Huber

the weekend nurture menu: homemade picnic sandwiches and birthday rice crispie treats

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[As always, gluten-free, dairy-free, and refined-sugar-free!]

In this crazy heat, you’re either one of two places: near water or air conditioning. This weekend, I frequented both. These eggplant, arugula, and cashew ricotta sandwiches came to the beach for a picnic and the AC was much needed for the chocolate peanut butter rice crispie treats.

Most parts of the sandwiches are homemade and divine. The bread and the cashew ricotta can (and should!) be created separately though. If you’re thinking, “Geez, making my own bread and cheese sounds too difficult,” then honor that, and use some other favorite alternatives.

Seriously, I’ve had to restrain myself from devouring the pitas and cashew ricotta before the week has begun. Just try them. You won’t regret it!!

NOTE: If the ricotta sounds good, go soak your cashews! Do it now. There is nothing worse than going to the kitchen, ready to create, and realizing you forgot to soak your nuts ;) .

eggplant, arugula, and cashew ricotta sandwiches 
makes 6 sandwiches

  • 1 small eggplant
  • Olive oil
  • Sea salt and black pepper to taste
  • Balsamic vinegar
  • 6 pita breads (see recipe below, or try collard green wraps to keep things raw)
  • cashew ricotta (see recipe below, or try another delicious sauce. The miso herb sauce?)
  • 1 heaping cup fresh arugula
  • 2 carrots, ribboned with a peeler
  1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Line a baking sheet lined with tin foil.
  2. Cut eggplant lengthwise into 1/2 inch thick slices.
  3. Toss slices in a bowl with olive oil, balsamic vinegar, salt and pepper, all to taste.
  4. Bake for about 15-20 minutes, or until very tender.
  5. Meanwhile, spread a couple tablespoons of the cashew ricotta onto one side of the bread. Be generous. When the eggplant is done, top the cashew cheese with a few slices. Then heap on lots of arugula and carrots.

the pita bread

  • 1/2 cup coconut flour
  • 2 TBSP psyllium husk powder (Try health food stores. Whole Foods has it in bulk.)
  • 1/4 tsp sea salt
  • 1 tsp ginger powder, optional
  • 1/4 cup coconut oil, softened
  • 1 cup boiling veggie broth OR water (broth adds flavor)
  1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Grease a large cookie sheet. (I recommend coconut oil spray.) In a medium sized bowl, stir together the coconut flour, psyllium husks, salt and spices. Add the coconut oil. Stir continuously as you add the hot broth or water, it will melt the oil. Combine until very smooth. 
  2. Separate into 3 even balls of dough. Flatten the dough into ‘pita’ shapes on the greased cookie sheet. Bake for 40-50 minutes or until done throughout (this will depend on how thick the pitas are).

[NOTE: do not make the dough ahead of time. Bake it right away; it starts to bake once you add the boiling water/broth.]

[adapted from mariahealth.blogspot.com]

cashew ricotta with sundried tomatoes and basil

  • 1 cup cashews, soaked for two hours or more
  • juice of one lemon
  • ¼ tsp salt
  • ½ tsp white miso (optional)
  • 4 sundried tomatoes, chopped
  • ¼ cup basil
  1. Throw nuts in a food processor and process till ground well. Add salt, lemon juice, miso if using. Scrape sides of bowl and run processor again, this time drizzling some water in. Keep doing this until the cheese reaches the consistency of ricotta.
  2. Add tomatoes and basil and pulse until they are well combined into the cheese.

[adapted from choosingraw.com]

Now a birthday treat!

When I asked my friend what he wanted for his birthday, he answered with a sweet-treat request. Lucky for me, his favorite combo is chocolate and peanut butter. With a spin on this timeless recipe, that combo will serve as a relatively healthy birthday gift and an afternoon snack!

NOTE: As far as rice crispie treats go, these are the healthiest. Brown rice crispies, no dairy, and a low-glycemic index sugar make them a great alternative. Plus, the peanut butter gives you some protein and healthy fat. However, there is still a lot of sugar. Careful not to think that just because they’re healthier, they are good for you. I’ve made that mistake all too often!

chocolate peanut butter rice crispie treats
15 squares

squares:

  • 1/2 cup all natural peanut butter (chunky or smooth)
  • 1/2 cup maple syrup, grade B
  • 2 tsp pure vanilla extract
  • 1/4 cup unsweetened almond milk
  • 1/2 cup sifted cocoa powder
  • 1/4-1/2 tsp kosher salt, to taste
  • 3 cups crisp brown rice cereal
  • 1/4 cup unsalted peanuts (optional, but adds a nice texture)
  • 1/2 cup non-dairy chocolate chips

chocolate, peanut butter, coconut ‘frosting’:

  • 1 cup all-natural peanut butter
  • 1/2 cup non-dairy chocolate chips
  • 1 tsp coconut oil
  • Kosher salt, to taste
  • 1/3 cup unsweetened coconut + coconut for sprinkling (optional)
  1. Line an 8 inch square pan with 2 pieces of parchment paper going each way.
  2. In a medium sized saucepan, stir together the peanut butter, maple syrup, vanilla, and almond milk over low-medium heat. Once combined, slowly add in the sifted cocoa power and the kosher salt. Careful not to burn.
  3. Mix in the 3 cups of rice crispies and remove from heat. Add the 1/2 cup of chocolate chips and optional peanuts. Stir well. 
  4. Spread this mixture into the square pan. Press down firmly and evenly. Place in the freezer for at least 10 minutes to firm up.
  5. Meanwhile, make the frosting by melting the chocolate chips and coconut oil in a small saucepan over low-medium heat. Again, careful not to burn. Stir in the 1 cup peanut butter, 1/3 cup coconut (optional), and kosher salt to taste. Mix until completely combined.
  6. Remove the square pan from the freezer when firm to touch. Spread on as much of the frosting as you prefer. (I used all of it.) Sprinkle with coconut, if desired.
  7. Place in the freezer for 45-50 minutes until firm. Cut into squares and enjoy! [Store in the freezer or fridge.]

[adapted from ohsheglows.com]

Enjoy the heat and treats, my loves!

xo, S

the biggest accomplishment: just be awake

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family graduation love

POP QUIZ! (It’s not hard. I promise.) Question: You have two people…

One person: a fabulously “successful” businessman; makes tons of money, has two degrees, is handsome, and has a family that loves him. Yet, he feels unsatisfied. Every accomplishment feels like he needs another to fill a void.

Other person: a college student, taking a year off. His passion is in painting, but his family makes it seem like that isn’t good enough. He feels like he hasn’t accomplished anything and nothing he does seems to fill that void.

What do these two people have in common?

Answer: Both people are looking fulfillment EXTERNALLY.

“Fulfillment” means to fill the void INTERNALLY. This emptiness that both the businessman and the college student have, regardless of their position in life, will only be filled by INTERNAL practice–not external things, i.e. titles, jobs, weight loss, wedding bands, money.

This past weekend I graduated from law school. I sincerely appreciate(d) all the love and congratulations for this accomplishment. Nevertheless, through this whole experience, something felt empty. Yes–law school was a giant accomplishment for my mental, physical, and emotional endurance. So where does this urge for more come from–like something doesn’t feel complete?

For so many years, before and during law school, I’d say “When I finish law school, then…” I hear people say some form of this frequently, “when I lose weight, then…”; “when I make more money, then…”; “when I get married, then…”; “when I retire, then…”

Here is what I know, despite western society’s masks… there is never an endpoint. There is never going to be an external accomplishment that fills this void inside of you.

Accomplishments like giving love,  taking a walk instead of watching TV, loving ourselves, cooking a healthy meal, complete forgiveness, biking to work–those feel satisfying! Why? Because they fulfill the mind, body, soul elements INTERNALLY through presence.

We must live fully NOW. We must find our fulfillment through being awake–the love of life.

I’m not saying we shouldn’t strive for our accomplishments. (Don’t worry–I am already studying for the bar.) I’m saying that if we don’t find our purpose through being awake and loving NOW, then no amount of accomplishment will feel satisfying.

“I have lived enough in the world to know by now that this is how our ambitions often evolve. We first find ourselves alone in the joy of what we’re doing, But somehow, there are suddenly others along the way, and we lapse into the breathless race of comparison, and then we are hopelessly running to avoid being termed a failure.

From here, we often latch onto the nearest goal as a purpose; if we can’t find one nearby, we are thought to be adrift. But our lasting sense of purpose is in our breathing, in our being. As the humanitarian Carol Hegedus reminds us, ‘Our purpose is that which we must passionately are when we pay attention to our deepest selves.’

So underneath all our worries about careers and jobs and retirements, our purpose really comes down to living fully, to being alight with who we are beneath all the names and titles we are given or aspire to.

Imagine Buddha in his moment of enlightenment, of being lighted from within. I doubt if he knew he was aglow. In fact, when Buddha rose from under the Bodhi tree, it is said a monk approached him in utter amazement at his luminosity and asked,

‘Oh Holy One, what are you? You must be a God.’ Buddha, not thinking of himself as anything but present, answered, ‘No…not a God,’ and kept walking.

…The monk, confused, implored, “Then what are you–tell me, please–what are you?!’

Buddha could not repress his joy and replied, ‘I am awake.’

Can it be that our purpose, no matter whom we run into, no matter what we are told, is simply to be awake?” 

-Mark Nepo, “To Be Awake,” The Book of Awakening