Author Archives: this dynamic life

trail-blazing contradictions: when you should stop suppressing and appreciate the whole

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I feel schizophrenic sometimes. I embody multiple voices. One extra loud voice passionately screams, “GO LIVE YOUR DREAMS!” Another one mutters in judgment, “Don’t be ridiculous. Work harder and pay the bills.”

I’ve always attributed this duality to my parents: my practical, introverted, uber-successful father, named one of the “Best Dermatologists in Pittsburgh,” VERSUS my extroverted, spirited and inquisitive mother, deeply loved not only for what she does, but who she is. I’m proud to say that I’m well trained to be and live both frames of mind.

danyeela prompt #3Somewhere along the line, however, I was convinced that I could only be one, i.e. I can’t be business minded and spiritually in-tune, I can’t be a lawyer and a yoga teacher, I can’t make money and live the beauty of my dreams. I have to choose one path and stick with it.

THE RESULT: an inauthentic life. 

First, I went the full-on dreamer route–struggling actor, struggling activist, struggling yoga teacher–with the intention of spirit and joy. Yet, there were lots of struggles to pay the bills, save money, give to others when I didn’t have enough for myself. My passion diminished.

Then, I tried the practical route–lawyerdom. My intention was to apply that struggling activist thing to this practical route, but I came up short. So much of me was missing. The spirituality was nowhere in the equation.

Here is what I didn’t say about my parents: they’re still together, there is no “versus.” Their incredible, contradicting selves have complimented, pushed, and expanded one another for over thirty years. In other words, their contradictions are what makes them powerful, trail-blazing and influential.

Passion and dreaming is the fuel for wildly-successful fulfillment. Practicality and strategy is the how to get from point A to point Z. 

If you’re not fully living these trail-blazing contractions, waking up with joy and passion and still able to pay the bills, then it is time to re-evaluate what magical voice in your head is muffled.

Be large. Be your dynamic self.

“If wisdom comes from integrating the highs and lows of life, then fulfillment is the result of bringing your whole self to the game. All of you. Not just the politically correct and the well-behaved bits. Not just your master’s degree and certifications. And not only your unbounded passion–because putting your passion into form will take all of the mental muscle that you can flex.”  -Danielle LaPorte

why knowing where you are can change your life

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tumblr_m5pluoy6Oz1rve1jto1_500Your worry, fear, and guilt are not signs of an existential crisis for you to suppress.

Be clear: your feelings are real, but not permanent. These feelings can be signs of more fundamental issues, i.e. unfulfillment in your job, insecurity in relationships,  discomfort with your body, etc.

When you face such obstacles head on, instead of avoiding them, you change your life.

Deciphering what needs work in the stages of development can begin this transformation. Yes, “stages of development” sounds a bit clinical, but seeing what you need to strengthen before taking a risk supports you to make profound changes.

where are you in the development cycle?

I’ll use the example of my recent career risk.  My job was creating tension in my body, manifesting as sickness, sadness, and anger towards myself and others. Taking the leap to quit included awareness of each of these stages.

1) Where are you now? What’s your mindset? Are you creating or limiting change? When you develop a strong daily practice of mind and body awareness, you have a firm foundation for growth.

  • Initially my thoughts were that because I went to school, worked hard, and got good grades then I must fit into this prescribed path. I let others tell me what I could do and who I should be. Before I quit, I had to discover such limiting thoughts and develop a strong meditation and yoga practice to support change. [There are many ways of cultivating awareness. These worked best for me.]

2) Where do you want to be? Discover what more is possible. Read, explore, get out of your comfort zone. Refine your vision—what do you want to change?

  • I created a vision of my future. Before I could take a risky leap, I explored what exactly would make me come alive. This included talking with life coaches, therapists, body workers, and other mind/body entrepreneurs about their wins and challenges.

This Dynamic Life-- risk3) How will you get there? What’s your action plan? Where can you make space in your schedule for this plan? Once you create positive habits for change you can re-create your life.

  • I created a step-by-step process to bring mine into reality. Step one was clearing out the space that my job occupied. Step two included reading inspiring literature daily and surrounding myself with people who believe in living their dreams. 

4) Are you making progress? Strengthen your accountability and self-awareness. You can develop strategies to help you reach new levels of growth. If you’ve made moves to better your life, learn how to celebrate your success.

  • I’m working hard everyday to develop my new business. Sometimes I feel like I’m not working hard enough. That’s when I need to step back and congratulate myself on the work I’ve done thus far. 

Working through obstacles can be frightening. Yet, when you know where you are in this cycle, you can equip yourself to take giant risks. If you’re nervous to work through this process alone or want a little support through one stage or another, don’t hesitate to reach out and seek help. You’re more than capable of taking risks and changing your life. Begin now.

its your choice…

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205926_401211283277188_359819677_nI’m not a huge believer in luck. I prefer something predictable, like the power of choice.

The other day, my wise friend, Maggie, remarked on her joyous life, her beautiful growing family, adorable home in a fun location, and an extraordinary career.

Maggie smiled over the phone, “I’m very grateful for how lucky I am.” “Whoa, whoa, whoa,” I exclaimed. “You’ve worked hard for this life–you chose to see the lessons in your difficulties, you chose gratitude–you chose to do self-work.”

Sure, sh*t happens–people get cancer, they lose their jobs, they get imprisoned for crimes they didn’t commit–then they use those experiences to change the world. Some create tangible life-changers, i.e, exonerees, Antoine Day and Jarrett Adams, started the Life After Justice Center, a re-entry home for men wrongfully convicted of crimes. Some create change by smiling and brightening another person’s day.

It is your choice: how do you choose to process your experience?

189362359302923811_eDtizB1x_fhappiness training 

Transforming your thoughts will transform your world. Your brain is a muscle. You can train it anyway you want. You can train it to think that all bad things happen to you. This is a victim mentality. Or, you can find the blessing in every experience.

“People tend to think that happiness is a stroke of luck, something that will descend like fine weather if you’re fortunate. But happiness is the result of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly.” -Elizabeth Gilbert

Habits are difficult to break. In any type of training, you must do the work to change the habits.

training tip #1: separate reality and your thoughts about it

  • Some things you simply cannot control. For example, you cannot control the weather, the traffic, or whether your crush calls. These things are real–you can’t change them, but you can control your reactions.
  • Be mindful of your reactions. Start small–how do you react when you drop the toothpaste, can’t find a parking spot, or your neighbor’s music is too loud?
  • Do you feel tense, stressed, sad? Your body’s reactions are signs of untrue thoughts, i.e. “I should be able to find parking.” Really? Is that true? Or are you just projecting this idea onto reality?
  • Having these thoughts is not a reason to shame yourself further and resist them. The idea is just to separate what is real from your thoughts about it. Bringing awareness to the thoughts, will show you where to begin your happiness training.

You’re not a victim of luck. Yes, bad things happen to good people everyday. How you react to such bad things will predict how you move forward. Believe that you can change your thoughts and change your life. You’re the master of your world.